Sailing Me

What do I really feel? Well, right now, I could say that I am sane. It just sounds funny to say that last word. For some time now, I have been holding a huge rock with my bare hands. The rock symbolizes my life as an adult human being. As an adult of early twenty’s of age, I began to struggle with life. I had worked for two independent companies already in a span of three years. But still, I have not yet found the contentment I am looking for. I mean, may be you would say that people usually have no contentment. But for me, I will continue to strive to gain recognition from my works and deeds so that it will feel rewarding and become a simple form of my contentment. That is why I am always making use of my abilities, skills, and knowledge the best way I can to show how flexible and competitive I can be in every job opportunity that comes my way. I think that is the smartest way to achieve one’s goal. Love life? I had two colorful love affairs already. I would like to share about the second. I and Gervin were actually friends. We were classmates in elementary. We lived in the same town until high school. I excelled during our elementary years, while he excelled academically in high school. After high school, we were not able to see each other except when there is a reunion held for our batch. Until one day, this year, when I forwarded messages to all the contact numbers of my friends I have in my phonebook, he was the only one who replied and asked how I am doing. It started like that. Everyday I receive messages from him. We converse through text messages, until it came to a point where he became romantic in his messages. Honestly, I liked how it feels. It was flattering. It made me fall for him after some time. For me, it was a cute, simple romance where we expressed our feelings to each other by sending text messages everyday. He was sweet to me. I was sweet to him, too. There were exchanges of I love yous and we understand each other. Although we were not actually seeing each other, I could feel his presence through his messages. And I felt like we were true lovers. The relationship became complicated when I learned that he has a girlfriend. I felt bad about it. Without further thinking, I messaged him immediately and said that I want to stop whatever it is that is happening between us. He did not make a reply. Until now there is no communication between the two of us. I wonder how he really felt about me and how he feels about me right now. What was his real intention to me? Was it just friendship, more than friendship, or just a flirting? If it’s just friendship, he actually hurt me because he is special to me. It was not clear to me what our relationship was. Finally, I am able to accept that I am human and it is normal to feel something special for somebody. It is better to let go of the feeling than to hide it. After heartaches and pains, it’s now time to enjoy life. I want to change my lifestyle, my career path, and everything about me. It’s time to be happy and to share my smiles to everyone especially to my family who most deserves it. But of course I need to earn money and to work hard for my living also. Life’s like that. Go for gold!